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May 10, 1998
Volume 11: In Defence of Profanity
I was peacefully watching Saturday Night Live for the first time since Seinfeld failed to be funny on it in 1991, on the advice of well-meaning friends who clearly have a differently abled sense of humor than myself. Then God chose to sweeten the pot. On came the Chris Farley Tribute commercial, and I swear that he said, "La de fuckin' dah."I know the official quote is, "la de freakin' dah". But speaking as someone who has both heard and spoken the F word, many times indeed, I know it when I hear it. You can safely consider Saint Dynamite to be a connoisseur of profanity in general. Such habits have driven me far from normal media outsources onto this sticky place called the net.
But still, I have to wonder. Has NBC gone mad? Have they decided that the ratings would be worth whatever sort of fines that the FCC might choose to levy on their glossy asses? I am not a connoisseur of television and as such have a charming naivetè about such things. It's quite possible that I simply misheard, and Chris Farley was not available for comment.
Even if it wasn't the word "fuck", it damn well should have been. What's in a word? I have said viler, fouler, more evil, soul-eating things without using a single cuss-word, than I have said in the depths of longshoreman talk. One four-letter word has no chance to effect real human despair. Not when it is in competition with phrases like, "you have disappointed me" or even simpler, "I hope you die alone."
If I had a darling that wrote to me, "I find this frenzy insufficient reason for conversation when we meet again ", I would be too heartsick to bother calling him a plagiarist. If he wrote, "Stupid bitch, I never want to speak to you again, fuck off", I would be on the horn to Guido and Knuckles to order up a concrete sandwich for my erstwhile swain. I wouldn't sit around with a bottle of merlot and a carton of Haagen-Daaz thinking, "Was it me? Maybe I could become nice."
The American concept of obscenity is null and dangerous. People are attacking Merriam-Webster because they won't remove the definitions of racial slurs from their dictionary. Others are staging assaults on the Oxford English Dictionary, which is perhaps the most detailed tracery of the English language in existence. I find that obscene. I find it deeply wrong that these people have money and time to spend and are choosing to not try to improve schools and clean up their cities.
We choose to allow ourselves to be put into a tizzy by a bad sound. A bad sound! What kind of sense is that? Shouldn't we be going for judgement here, not rote memorization of a set of rules that are purely based on a gut reaction to a noise? We're in the middle of a social earthquake and Aunt Tilly is worried that her china might get broken. Go take some kids to the park! Help your parents repaint their front fence! Fall in love! But if you spend your days protesting definitions instead of making them, you are probably immune to anything so noble.
I grant that words have power of their own. But so-called obscene words can't wreck a mind the way a few well-chosen clean ones can. I'd rather be called a bitch than, say, a "crippled failure" -- how would that ring in your ears down the ages? Being offended is wonderful; it clears the sinuses and gets the blood moving. Despair kills.
Speaking of despair, I hope there are some marketing weasels over at People Magazine wondering just how they got so screwed. They have categorically stated that they never intended for their Beautiful People poll to have any real bearing whatsoever. Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf won anyhow. I never got confirmation on the supposed statement that no "dwarves, mutants or felons" would ever be on their cover. But how's that for a collection of clean but nasty words?
People Magazine, this fuck's for you.
Posted by gtaylor at May 10, 1998 12:49 AM
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