Postmark from Fred Lapides

When I was last in Eugene, Moffatt/Rosenthal was cranking out Oregon Lottery ads that were -- wait for it -- both funny and memorable. Those ads are, unfortunately, not online (including the one I draw this postcard's title from), but these four are. (If you have copies of the Oregon Lottery or Keno ads, please put then online and post the URLs.) If I grow up, Moffatt/Rosenthal is the first place I'm applying to work.

Most ads that are funny or otherwise entertaining are not memorable. This makes them bad ads: an ad that does not, first and foremost, sell the product, is a bad ad, no matter how clever it may be otherwise. Any ad which causes the viewer to remember the product in a positive way is a good ad, no matter how conventional it may be.

(You may dispute that good ads sell the product first and bad ads do not, as most ads on teevee do not follow that simple rule of thumb. A better question is, why do marketing executives insist on throwing away money on campaigns that are too obscure, irrelevant, unfunny or outright insulting to work? Ego, mostly.)

Good ads:

• The man from Glad ads are good. The Maytag man ads are good. I don't especially like or enjoy them, but they make me remember the product in a positive way.
• I saw an ad for Ariston several years ago. I don't remember what Ariston is, but I saw the ad exactly once, remember it reasonably well, and find myself quoting the tagline in conversation: "and on, and Ariston". So should I encounter the product, I am definitely already well-disposed to it.
• Sprite and 7/UP (now defunct, sadly) both had better ads than Pepsi and Coke, but Pepsi and Coke have caffeine, which may be considered an unfair advantage.

Bad ads:

• There's one with a little kid, and a duck who has to dip his french fry in ketchup before eating it. Probably a ketchup ad (for what brand?)... but maybe an ad for Aflac, which uses a duck. When designing an ad, be aware of other companies using similar imagery.
• The 'zoom zoom' kid is selling a car... I suppose... but I don't know what kind of car. What a waste.
• Most chocolate bar ads are indistinguishable from each other. Crispy, crunchy, chocolately, nougaty, and so on.
• Last but certainly not least, any ad meant for repeat viewing that lasts longer than 30 seconds is TOO LONG and WILL NOT WEAR WELL.

At least 50% of memorable ads fall into one of two categories: "buy our product if you're an idiot" or "buy our product if you're an asshole".

Idiot:

• The Herbal Essences ads where shampoo apparently induces orgasm.
• The ad where Sensodyne toothpaste protects your sensitive teeth from pain -- but stop using it and WHAMMO! A boomerang whacks you right in the head! Use our product once and you're OURS FOREVER!

Asshole:

• The outright gross exploding Pizza Pockets.
• The Visa ad where the baby throws away everything but the Visa card. The baby is smart enough to know what Visa can do -- therefore is smart enough to be considered a thief. Do you want a card that your kids will congenitally steal?
• The ad where Lipton soup induces people to steal receptacles (including a trophy cup) and spoons so they can get their fix.