Hypercube Industries :||: Pine Woods and Pigsties

"Pine woods are as real as pigsties, and a darn sight nicer to be in."
Lucy Maud Montgomery

"I will deal with the devil if it helps my country."
Golda Meir

I'd quote him literally, but I think he's shy. His boss, David Suzuki, isn't shy. Last time I saw Suzuki, he was promising something like, "For a fifty dollar donation I'll take off my glasses. For a hundred dollar donation I'll take off my shirt. For a thousand dollar donation I'll take off my clothes. For a ten thousand dollar donation, I'll put them back on."

But I was speaking of AB+, the poor, struggling bastard at the David Suzuki Foundation. AB+ is overworked and underplayed, as administrative types in volunteer activist organizations are wont to be. However, to my great delight, he hasn't lost his sense of humour -- seriously, AB+, you answered quickly and with entertaining diplomacy. Gold stars all around.

To briefly recap, me, my boyfriend and my roommate went to see a lecture on what we thought was genetically engineered foods, but which was actually on global warming. Which is akin to going to see Troilus and Cressida but getting Romeo and Juliet -- both the same basic idea, but one's a little more worn out than the other. We listened to the lecture, we wrote down our paper and email addresses on a form saying we wanted ecology propaganda from the David Suzuki Foundation, and we went home.

Some months later (or a couple of days ago), we got triplet propaganda, three identical envelopes save that they were respectively addressed to me, my boyfriend and my roommate. I was, to put it mildly, annoyed. I figured that an environmentalist group like the DSF should be setting an example by taking the extra time to be conservative with resources -- in this case, both kinds of paper, the kind you write on and the kind you spend. Not only that, but only one of us received the email newsletter, though email is the obvious alternative to paper mailings. That's excusable -- my handwriting is terrible and could've been illegible.

I sent email to the DSF griping along those lines. Within a few hours, I got an amusing, yet diplomatic, response from AB+, saying in essence, "I'm dancing as fast as I can." I understand that and I empathize.

The global warming issue is a macro example of the cigarette smoking issue. Something gets burned up on purpose, a lot of people inhale the smoke that didn't want to, and eventually, it really fucks them up. There's a lot of money in making the smoke, so those who make it don't want to admit it might fuck people up. Since they have a lot of money, they can squelch -- divert -- ignore the truth, which is that lungs were generally supposed to be pink, not black, and they're black from smoke, not because they've been breathing squid ink.

I'm a smoker myself, but I don't deny that it's got its downside. Unlike most smokers, I take deliberate steps to make sure my habit doesn't infringe much on the people around me. Then everybody's happy -- at least as per corollary 1 of my nascent Principles of Conservatism.

The problem is that the problem is so immense that nobody wants to admit that any human agency could be responsible for it. In Neal Stephenson's Zodiac, his hero, Sangamon Taylor, tests a waste outflow pipe and finds that it should be pH8, but is pH13. He tells his partner "That's over two and a half times the legal limit." His partner gets outraged. Later he mentions that pH is exponential, not additive or even geometric -- the difference between 8 and 13 is actually 100 000. But he notes to the effect that, "You can't say one hundred thousand times. The brain can't handle a number that big. It gets paralyzed. If you say two and a half times, people can cope with it, and look for solutions."

But now we come down to the real problem with nearly all social activism, a problem I've commented on before in conjunction with the WTO-Seattle crisis, and a problem that doubtless I'll comment on again. It's the same reason I was so pleased by AB+'s response. The problem is this:

Social activists take themselves so goddamn seriously! That's dangerous!

In the Middle Ages, there were knights. These knights had a chivalric code. This code required them to conform to certain ideals. In practice, it let the knights behave like assholes and completely pervert the cause they were trying to serve. They were so gung-ho on retaking the Holy Land that they slaughtered hundreds of thousands of people, in direct violation of what God told them to do.

In other words, they lost sight of the real objective -- venerating their God -- and corrupted it into an excuse to do what people like doing anyway -- blowing shit up.

In this context, the cause is cleaning the environment. The cause is not martyrdom for environmentalists and it isn't the destruction of our economy. If we really want a clean environment we've got to make sacrifices on our side -- we've got to sacrifice the idea that "virtue is its own reward". We must be generous, not stiff-necked assholes like those Crusaders. We want to make friends with everyone we possibly can and, as Machiavelli says, avoid hatred and contempt. Give and ye shall receive.

The majority of corporate Canada isn't really incompetent greedheads who get an electric kick out of giving asthma to little kids -- any more than the majority of environmentalist Canada is self-righteous assholes who enjoy tree-spiking. I mean, come on, get real.

That means if, say, GreatBigDirtyCompany is dumping gigatons of waste into the air, you send someone -- someone who doesn't have an attitude problem -- to GBDC and say "Hey, we've got a problem with what you're doing, but we're willing to work with you to try to find a cheap, clean way to do better. Then everybody's happy, as per GT's corollary 1." There's a possibility that you'll get an asshole at GBDC, but be persistent and find the moderate -- they're all over the place. Check out their processes. Say, "Did you know that SmallCleanPowerSourceCompany is building a DooHickey that replaces your BigSmokeStack? It costs a bit more but we're lobbying the government to give tax credits to those who use the DH, so it'd save you money in the long run. Can I set up a meeting between the guy at SCPSC and your guy in charge of the BSS? If you like the DH, would you help us lobby the government for a tax break for those who put in a DH to replace their BSS?" Then keep on him until he agrees to a meeting or until he explains why he can't use the DH. Then suggest an alternative to that.

If you went to GBDC with picket signs, you'd polarize instead of creating co-operation. If you went with a concrete action plan you'd be a hell of a lot closer to a tangible solution -- and all you sacrificed was your martyred, stiff-necked desire to make GBDC come to you on bended knee, pleading for the right to sacrifice all profits toward the virtue-that-is-it's-own-reward.

Now, this does cost money. Get money wherever you can. Take all the corporate donations and all the government grants and then ignore corollary 1's worth of the strings and use it properly. So what if the government screams and the corporations scream. Now that you've got the money (then you get the power, then you get the... nevermind) you can accomplish more. If the government gives grants to study fish in the Strait of Juan de Fuca, get that grant and spend it on good clothes and lunches with your moderate at GBDC. Always wear good clothes when bracing a company -- it'll confuse them if you conform to their idea of presentable, and make it easier for you to accomplish the end, which is cleaning up the environment. There's a time to say "what the fuck?!" and there's a time to say "excuse me, what was that?" Cut your hair and paint your face. How many dirty streams is your honour worth?

In other words, legitimize yourself. Put yourself as far into their context as you can without losing sight of your objective. Make it hard for them to say no! Be ruthless -- in moderation. You don't want to destroy these people unless it's absolutely necessary. You want to work with them.

AB+ did suggest I link to the DSF Action Alert page instead of quoting him directly. What do you think, oh my brothers and only friends, about these fellows?